Wasn't meant to be

   July 16th I went in to get my iud (copper) checked. I was told my iud moved and had to be removed. 2 weeks later I went back in to get something else and they told me I was about 5 weeks pregnant. I got pregnant about 6 days before the iud was removed.

   Around 7 weeks I started having problems. A couple days after bleeding started I got my hcg levels checked they were around where they were supposed to be. 24 hours later they had dropped in half. A couple days after I turned 8 weeks my hcg levels were at zero.

    In the back of my head I knew this was probably not going to happen something didn't feel right. I still was taking care of myself - stopped my meds, was eating right and taking prenatal vitamins. Something was probably wrong with the baby and my body did what it needed to do

    Even tho I was only 8 weeks I was sure feeling my body changing and everything. I went to bed feeling pregnant and shortly after waking up the next day felt empty. Getting the tattoo helped a lot. Someday after I feel my body is ready and we are ready hopefully another baby will happen. Right now I have to move on and focus on Kristoffer.

Life lesson.....learned the hard way

     September 12th I found out my Grandma Mary passed away the night before. Immediately I felt devastated for losing her and the guilt for not speaking to her since February 2010. I thought about her often and thought about calling her too. Wishing there was a turn back time switch. After talking to some people yesterday I realized it wasn't all on me on why we were talking it takes 2 people to make any type of relationship work. So I still do feel guilty for not putting the effort out there.

    The anger and frustration hit last night after finding out not 1 person of my Grandma's family (including us) was in her will. She left everything to 3 people who's she's only known less than 4 years. She didn't leave anything to the family she did talk to. So leaving me to think her will wasn't completely done by her. Don't think I think I'm entitled to my Grandma's possessions but having something even as little as a marble or something would help with this huge healing process I'm having to go thru.

    While I do have her dinning room table that she and her late husband had in there home I am so very grateful for it, it was given to me long before she died. I love my Grandma I really do. I wish we could of had a better relationship and she would have realized some important thing in life. (Don't take it as I am bashing her cause I'm not)

     On a good note, all her health problems are gone. Her heart is at 100%, her diabetes is gone along with all her other health problems. I hope she has come to terms with everything that has happened in the last couple years and is resting in peace. I do love you Grandma Mary.

     Lesson I learned was tomorrow isnt garunteed and putting of calling someone can come back to bite you.  So reach out to family and friends you are at odds with and try to make ammends. You may or may not get the chance to if it's put off too long.  

    "Love your family with all your heart because you will never know when they will be gone and you will never get to apologize or even say goodbye"-unknown