Sorry

Well last Friday we went to get Kristoffer's pics done since he really wanted to get his pics done with the snowman at Picture People. As soon as it became his turn he no longer wanted to do them. Kristoffer started crying saying he was scared. I think he just didn't want to do them anymore. I tried not getting my hopes up but I did since he was excited to do them for WEEKS! I tried to stay positive but I slowly started to lose my patients. The more I tried to stay with the if we get them we get them if not oh well attitude the more I was losing grip on controlling my emotions. Being pregnant and off my anti depressants hasn't been easy. I tried and tried to regain myself but the more I tried the faster I was losing it. Which in turn made Kristoffer feel horrible and made him feel like he did something wrong. It should have never got to that point. He felt so bad that when Mike took him to his favorite play area at the mall he didn't want to play. By the time we left the mall I was so mad at myself. I tried not looking at Kristoffer cause I didn't want him to see me upset and I didn't want him to feel worse. I can't wait till I have Erik so I can have a better grip on my emotions. I will probably get back on my Zoloft too.

Basically last friday should NOT have gone the way it did. Kristoffer should NOT have felt the way he did. We went to the tree lighting at Esther Shore Park that night. He wanted a glow stick but the guy only took cash. Well guess what I didn't have....CASH! Good thing it was dark cause I got emotional a little cause I felt I could make up the day a little by getting him one. I told him next year I would get him one. After that we stopped by the gas station. While Mike was in the gas station Kristoffer said for the third time that day "Mommy I'm sorry for my pictures." Which again I started crying. I'm so done with the pregnancy emotional roller coaster and the added hormones. I told Kristoffer it was ok and we could always try again. The next day I sat him down and explained I wasn't mad at him and that I could NEVER be mad at him over pictures. That the next time pictures get done it will be everybody in the pictures including his brother. Also that I was sorry and I didn't mean for him to feel bad. I like his pictures we got.

So this Sunday I think we are going to have a mommy and buddy make up day at the mall. We will go to McDonalds and he can have whatever kids meal combo he wants. Then go play at his favorite spot. I'm embarrassed to being telling everyone this but it has been nagging at me since. As I'm sitting here typing this all out I'm getting teary eyed cause I NEVER thought I could lose control over my emotions like that and make a 5 year old especially MY son feel horrible over something especially something so small. So to Kristoffer I am sorry. I love you and the picture we got.

My handsome Buddy 

Pretending to be celebrities!

After MONTHS and MONTHS of discussing it (we started right when we decided to have another baby) we have finally come to a decision surrounding Erik's birth. We didn't make the decision on a whim but a lot of thought and time went into making our decision.

We have decided that when Erik is born it will just be Mike and I in the room. We will have no visitors (except Kristoffer of course) at the hospital or at home until Erik is at least a week old. Nothing will be posted about his birth or pics until after then. We want to focus on becoming a family of four and transitioning Kristoffer from only child to a big brother. Also let him get to know his little brother before everyone comes to gawk at Erik. I want Kristoffer to feel like a priority still when his brother comes. We were pretty open about Kristoffer's birth, hospital visits and after we came home so we are taking it down a couple notches.

As Erik's due date approaches I will probably be posting less to focus my last few weeks of being a mom to one child and making sure everything is ready for Erik to come home. I will not confirm nor deny his birth until I am ready to announce. I hope everyone can respect and accept our decision. I know some feelings will be or are hurt by our decision but we need to focus on what's best for our family and we feel this way is it. If somehow you do find out Erik is born please respect our decision and not say anything.

Let the countdown begin!

          Tomorrow I will be 30 weeks pregnant! Can't believe I only have 10 weeks till Erik's due date. I will be very surprised if he doesn't come before then. I remember being 10 weeks pregnant and thinking I still have 30 weeks to go! Erik is super active unlike Kristoffer when I was pregnant with him. I have baby brain BAD this time. I'm ready to have Erik but he needs to stay in for a little bit longer. Taking my dogs on their 2 mile daily walks are over until after Erik comes. I can barely make it a mile before the soreness and pressure kicks in. So I will just stick with walking around my block a couple times till that becomes too much.

I had a wonderful baby shower last weekend. Thank you to everyone that came and have sent gifts. I really love them all. Here are just a few pics from the shower.

Love the cake

Owl blanket!

Can't wait to see him in this

Erik's crib quilt

Halloween 2013

  I got a small pumpkin this year cause I knew I wouldn't feel like carving. So I made a Princess pumpkin or so I thought............

                                            Kristoffer helped me paint mine since his went bad before Halloween.

                        I think he wasn't impressed with my picture taking. (Those are Power Ranger Samuri marks)

                        Kristoffer turned my Princess pumpkin into a Prince pumpkin. He said he didn't like the "S's"

                                                                                        Mike's Pumpkin

                                                              And Kristoffer chose to be a Red Samuri Ranger

                                                                       He didn't want his picture taken!

Look at that happy red ranger we have. LOL. I wasn't planning on dressing up. But I had my vest on I wear when walking the dogs and remembered Kristoffer had a hard hat Mike used when he worked on a ship. So I became a construction worker. Kristoffer didn't like I was wearing HIS hat.

Pumpkin Patch 2013

                                                          Kristoffer a couple minutes before his attitude

                                                                          25wks 2days pregnant with Erik

                                                   "I don't want a pumpkin! Baby doesn't need one either!!!!"

                                                                           We were trying for a family shot

                                                       Hey at least Mike and I decided we wanted a pic!

 I got a little pumpkin to paint on while Mike got one to carve. The one he got is a fraction of the size he wanted to get.

This is the pumpkin Kristoffer got from Bizi Farms. Hopefully he wants to paint it. It's already starting to go bad =(

Day by day

     I'm almost 25 weeks pregnant and I feel like it too. This pregnancy and the one with Kristoffer are polar opposite. This baby is way more active and a lot lower than Kristoffer was. I use to be able to do 50 million things in a day but that's not the case right now. So I've decided to spread out all the things I could do in one day over the coarse of a couple days. I find it much easier on myself and I don't really have pelvic pressure now. I have to do dishes, vacuum and walk the dogs everyday. I may skip a day here and there on the dogs walk since my path is 2 miles. I've learned to listen to my body and the baby more. I feel more relaxed and not really rushed since I started spreading out my workload. At this point in my pregnancy with Kristoffer I was still working in the grocery department at Wal-Mart stocking the shelves and moving freight. 

     I've read some of the blogs from a friend and her sister about taking a step back. Which I say helps a lot. Especially since between the 2 of them they have 5 boys and soon I will have 2 boys. Mike is preparing Baby Erik's room to be painted soon. I've haven't pressured Mike into getting the baby's room done asap cause we still have some time. I'm sure over the next 6 weeks or so his room will be completed. Kristoffer's attitude has improved a tad. We are tackling it day by day. If he has a bad attitude day at bed time we tell him he needs his rest and tomorrow we can shoot to have a better day than today.

     I would like it to be December already cause we are suppose to get new windows then. We are on a long wait list to get them done but they can do them in one day. So that will be nice to have. While I would strive to be supermom and super everything I realized it's not possible. I can come close and that's ok. My main priorities are Kristoffer, Baby Erik, Me, Mike and my pets. While Kristoffer is at school and Mike is at work I can focus on me and baby. I can also walk the dogs in that time cause I'm focusing on my dogs and my health at the same time. Spreading myself thin doesn't help anyone. So making a list and taking it day by day is what I'm going to do. 

Kristoffer my not so baby anymore

Kristoffer is 5 now. He has had an ATTITUDE the last couple months which has been exhausting on top of being pregnant. So that's why I haven't been blogging at all in 5 months! His phrases lately have been:

* I don't love you (if we say love you to him)
* I don't like you
* Leave me alone!
* That's mine
* No way punk (as he giggles)
* Your mean!

I know he doesn't know what he is saying is mean so I don't take it personally. I remind him that's not nice. He has started Pre-K this year since he missed the kindergarten cut off by a little over 2 weeks! He goes to school 3 days a week 4-5 hours a day. He has learned some phrases and words at school that we quickly nipped in the butt. The one that really shocked us was "I hate you". He said it to my father in law on the phone. That is the first and last time he said it too. We told him that is not a nice word and we don't say hate.

When we told him I was having a baby he started telling everyone he was having a baby brother. We would say what if your having a sister? In a very dead serious annoyed tone he would shoot back with "I'M HAVING A BABY BROTHER!!!!!!" So when we found out we were having another boy I think Kristoffer thought "I told you so". We have taken him to both ultrasounds, all but the first Dr appt (cause I had to get the physical done) and pretty much all the shopping we have done for the baby. He likes to pick out stuff for HIS baby. According to Kristoffer his brother's name will be Baby Brother. That's his whole name.

I thought he already went through the terrible 2's but I guess that was nothing. He is getting so much more independent lately. I kinda miss him needing me for everything. Some days I wish it was 8pm so he could go to bed. Here's our convo just about everyday:

K: Mom what time is bed?
Me: 8 o'clock
K: No mom it's 20 o'clock

Well in military time 20 o'clock is 8pm. I just think that is funny. He wants to be 6 now. Before he turned 5 he would tell everyone he was 9 or 10. He's our silly Kristoffer.

We had Kristoffer's 5th birthday party at LeRoy Haagen Park. Apparently we picked a very popular time to have it cause the main part of the park was PACKED. So we went to the little one in the back. We had it all to ourselves which was nice. The night before when we made his cupcakes I asked Kristoffer if he want to split one. He said "No they are for my birthday party tomorrow!" I made his spiderman cake I think I did an ok job. It was warm that day so the frosting was starting to melt. He wanted a red web cake and blue frosted cupcakes.

Well I had my first "that child" experience. I took Kristoffer to JcPennys to get his pics done. After trying 3 times over a 90 minute period I gave up. He was in the mood he wasn't gonna have his pics done. So finally I dragged him out of the store screaming, throwing himself down and hitting my arm. The appalled and disbelief look people give is amazing. Kristoffer is well behaved 99% of the time especially in public. So I think I will just wait til the baby is 6 weeks old and do family pics. Mike will be there so hopefully I will get a solo pic of Kristoffer.

30lbs down!!!!!

Between yoga, walking, other exercises (Jillian Michaels cardio blast and her kickboxing dvds), drinking mostly water and eating better over time I am getting closer to meeting my goal weight range of 130-135lbs.

   This pic is from the NKOTBSB concert in July 2011 at 176.6lbs. (I still weighed and looked the same in July 2012) It took me a year to decide to get serious about loosing weight. I still have that tank top which is a baggy tank and the capris I can no longer wear.

  This pic was taken April 24th at 146.6lbs! The last pond did NOT want to come off but I did it!!!!



I still eat junk. For me if I just have a little bit here and there I don't binge eat on junk.  I drink at least 72oz of water a day and walk my dogs daily. I take them on 2 mile walks during the week and 4 miles on the weekends. I'm trying new foods and eating less processed stuff, It's been 2 months since I have had any fast food, Don't miss it either. My stomach has adjusted to healthier foods so anything greasy irritates my stomach. I haven't bought new clothes yet. I'm waiting til I am in my weight goal range first. I know I will actually be excited to go clothes shopping.

Will you be my mommy?

      So last night I was having trouble sleeping. Worrying about my Dad and my family. Well around 3:30am I was laying in my bed with Kristoffer and I hear "Mommy, will you be my mommy?" I looked over at Kristoffer and he opened his eyes as he was saying it. I thought he had gone back to sleep. I just watched him. Then again he opens his eyes looks at me and says "Mommy, will you be my mommy?" I said "Yes." He then replies with "Okay, lets go to sleep."

     Over the next 20 minutes or so he was talking in his sleep. I heard him say NO! and other things I just couldn't make out what he was saying.